What a beast that thing is turning into.

Well then my lovelies – I won’t bother asking how you all are, I don’t need to. I don’t need to because I saw each and every one of you last weekend at Harrogate’s Christmas Market. What a beast that thing is turning into. Who’d have thought that a few sheds and tents selling smelly candles, hot dogs and Bailey’s hot chocolates would attract half of the North of England down to our cosy little corner of town? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, not complaining at all. By the time you lot have got fed up of dawdling behind a bunch of bargain hunters and decided your time and money is much better spent in The Badger, we end up having the most successful weekend EVER – and from now on in, the rest of Christmas is a piece of Christmas cake. So please whoever makes these decisions – I know it’s a traffic nightmare and a little overcrammed to say the least – but don’t go moving it out of town like you did the Street Food Festival and ruining the whole feel of the job. We like it where it is, and so does Daddy B’s bank balance.

Have you noticed something’s missing from the bar? No not pies. In fact we seem to have quite a lot of pies left since big Jason headed back to Australia. Couple of summers ago he came up from down under to play a bit of cricket, next thing we know he’s a permanent fixture behind the bar and a big part of the whole Badger family. He’s had to go back to warmer climes because you’re not allowed to work here forever apparently. So those of you who are missing him terribly (mostly females I’ve noticed), don’t worry, he’s safely tucked up on a beach somewhere with a cold one. Seriously, thanks for everything Jase, we miss you.

Godfrey pops up on here every now and then. If you’ve not met Godfrey, he’s the adorable gentleman who sits at the bar in his cap and happily chats to anyone who’ll listen (and a few that don’t). He also does a really good job of keeping an eye on all our female members of staff. Isn’t it good of a customer to go out of their way just to check that all of the ladies are doing a thorough job? He doesn’t seem to be too bothered about the performance of the boys though. I can’t quite figure that one out. Anyway, Godfrey was certainly responsible for my favourite conversation of recent days. Here goes:

“How are you today Lizzie?”

“Godfrey, my name’s not Lizzie, it’s Katy”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure”

“Oh, well when I called you Katy last week, you said your name was Lizzie”

“That was probably Lizzie”.

So Mrs Badger is badgering me to get my Christmas shopping all done and dusted. The Christmas Market has been and gone. Black Friday has been and gone. Cyber Monday has been and gone. I’ve got a month left – surely that’s enough time. But like most of the male population (can I say that in these gender-neutral times? Well I just did), I’m not a fan of going out too far to search for pressies, and I’m certainly not a fan of having to work out what people want a whole four weeks before it matters. So if you’re like Mr Badger here – then pop down and do your Christmas shopping IN THE PUB!!!

What would your special one like more than a Fat Badger Gift Voucher? Apart from two Fat Badger Gift Vouchers. Or a Fat Badger Gift Voucher with even more value on it. Did I mention that we sell Fat Badger Gift Vouchers? Surely the perfect gift for anyone. Just in case you’re not a voucher person – you can also get one of our famous beer tankards as a bit of a stocking filler. They’ve got our “Thanks for coming, you’ve been a right ****ing laugh” slogan on them – and Jaks has even put a few Harrogate toffees in there and given them a pretty bit of wrapping. £5? Bargain!!

Susie has jumped on the bandwagon too – the questionably cool glitter lanterns that have been adorning the hotel reception and the bar back are now available to purchase for £30 by popular demand. Get yours while stocks last!!

***Right Trina, that’s it. I’m far too important to be selling myself down the river here just to flog all your tat. This is meant to be an informative and amusing blog, not a transcript from the bloody shopping channel. That’s all you’re getting.***

Got anything planned for New Years Eve yet? I have. There’s a few spaces left for the Gala Dinner in the Grill – that’s £75 for a proper posh nosh dressed in your best bib & tucker. Five courses, lobster, bubbly etc. That’s where I’ll be starting my night. Or if it’s something a little less formal you’re looking for, just come down to the Badger at any time, no ticket required, and we’ll make it a night to remember. The booze will be flowing, the lights will be flashing, it’ll be compulsory kiss everyone else’s wife at midnight (or is it just me that does that), and the music will be banging. Well it had better be, because we’ve forked out on a proper DJ this year rather than relying on MC Clarkey’s banging tunes. Personally I think Clarkey is an amazing DJ.

I think he’s had years of experience to be able to tailor a playlist to the exact needs of the occasion. I think his last four New Years Eves have been up there with some of the greatest parties of all time purely down to his taste in music. I think this “proper” DJ will already be feeling the pressure to perform, or boy oh boy will Clarkey not let anyone forget it for a very very long time.

Going soon, just checking I haven’t missed anything new and important.

In brief:

The brand new vegan menu is proving a great success.

The doves are still avoiding the spikes and sh*tting on tables 36 & 37.

You still get a free drink if sh*t on by a dove.

Tiny still can’t reach the whiskies on the top shelf.

There’s a new Shepherd’s pie on the menu and it’s amazing.

Matt Glover still can’t flair. Or pull a pint. Or arm wrestle.

After an unfortunate misunderstanding, Cold Bath Lager will be returning to the bar on draught very shortly.

Clarkey has a new shirt with cherries on it and it looks amazing.

Leona is my new favourite.

Until next time lovely people.